From the date on this post, you'll know it is 9/11. This year, perhaps more than some others, I've spent some time thinking back to where I was in 2001 on this date. I was living in Somerville, MA. I heard about the planes and the towers while at work and went out with the Controller to bring a tv back to the office so people could watch what was going on. We got to his house to get the little tv just as one of the towers was falling. People were told they could go home after we got back and eventually I did. Later that evening, in the general quiet, I heard the planes flying overhead from the Air Force Base and became fully aware of how surreal normal sounds could become. I was scheduled to fly on September 13. Taking the bonus check from President Bush, a roommate and I were going to fly to Prague. That trip never happened since Logan airport wasn't open in time.
The year following was really a terrible year in my life regarding self-esteem, judgement and about a million other things. I don't think terrorists caused my bad year, but the attacks were coincidental with the beginning of it and so this day has made me reflective on that general time period as well. Without realizing it until I was out of the house today, I put on a shirt that I had bought during that bad year and haven't worn for a long time. Once I did realize it, I decided that I would get rid of this shirt after today. I had worn it to work one day that year and felt that it was a lot sheerer than I had thought when I bought it. I asked another woman at the company if it was too sheer. She assured me everything was ok, but when I got under some brighter lights where there was a mirror, I realized that she was terribly wrong or maybe didn't care. I wore a sweater over it today. And so I feel like with the disposal of this shirt, I might be able to symbolically put a little more of that time in my life to rest a little more solidly.
But I've been feeling a little reflective anyway. I went to see a nutritionist for the first time (wish I had that on my list!) and she asked me questions about eating habits and exercise. It became really obvious to me how much I had let circumstances determine my behavior all the way down to my eating habits. Perhaps two big factors were the death of my father (1) while I was in a lousy job that had me crying in frustration regularly (2). All I wanted was comfort, so exercise and healthy eating took a back seat to convenience and comfort foods. The truth is that I know how to eat well and be healthy, but I've lacked the commitment. After talking with the nutritionist, I realized that that was all I needed. And, in order to get that commitment and keep it, I have to do a little less of the feeling sorry for myself that got me here. As much as I have a plan on how to upgrade my computer system most effectively, I have the beginnings of a plan in my mind on how to get back to healthy living, self-improvement and (the real dream) self-employment. Seriously, if I could have today, I would have walked out of work without a look back, but the tiny check I've gotten for my self-employment efforts so far is not enough to support me for more than - oh - a day. I continue to work on my grand plan.
And since this post isn't quite rambling enough, I have two other things to report-
Tim and I were going to go on a bike ride. I haven't ridden my bike in at least two years. I took it to the bike shop on the weekend for a tune up and just got it back today. I rode it a little. It is nice to ride a bike- especially one in just the right condition like this is now. I remember once I went over to Martina's place after I had gotten my grad school bike. Martina's place was close, so I walked, but then decided I had to jog. When I arrived and told her and her roommate about it, one of them asked if I jogged because the ground wasn't moving fast enough for me anymore. That was so true! So here is the hope that the ground needs to move faster for me again.
I have a bit of a sugar problem. I do like to finish meals with something sweet- and it really doesn't have to be sugar, but often that is what it is. Last night I was trying to figure out what to have that wasn't bad for me when I found a box of soy pudding I bought at the Asian market. I was pretty sure when I bought this that it was an instant version of the stuff that I've had at dim sum. Well, I spent a little more time with the box and found out that the French translation that exists in addition to the English and Chinese and Vietnamese calls this soy cheese. Not knowing which was the bad translation, I went ahead and made it and it is pretty much what I expected. It isn't really sweet, but it is hitting the post-dinner spot.
OK- one last thing-
I'm back on the daily morning dose of Wii Fit. I am apparently terrible at the Triangle in the yoga section (0 points- I admit it!), but I am really enjoying getting those light morning exercises in.
No comments:
Post a Comment