Re-evaluating the past and making it into New Year's resolutions

I heard from an ex-boyfriend over this holiday season. This is the one ex I have absolutely no hard feelings towards. Consider the bookends on this story. The ex before him kept me away from his friends because he defined me as something other than a friend, made fun of my ethnicity periodically and assured me that if we had kids he would take them aside at the age of 5 and explain masturbation to them because that is what his mom did for him, while becoming upset that I was making too many child care decisions (for a child that didn't exist and never would, mind you) when I said I thought it would be good to have some religious instruction for a child (I didn't even pick the religion). There were some other things too and the relationship only lasted as long as it did because it was long distance for the vast majority of it.  The one after really wasn't a boyfriend since it took only a couple of weeks for him to call me and tell me that I was way too into him and he had to break it off, when truly I had been thinking about how much longer I'd be willing to give him a chance since there wasn't much spark- nonetheless, when I told him that I wasn't that into him, whether it be denial or whatever, he honestly did not understand what I was saying. Seriously. Did not understand the words I was saying. Which of course triggered something in me and made me have one of the most ridiculous and angry conversations ever trying to break this delusion he was so soundly under that he was really that wonderful and there really was no other option but that I desired him above all things in this world.

So consider that in the middle of this was a boyfriend that I got along fabulously with, my parents loved him, his family loved me and it ended because he was feeling too much pressure from his friends and family to move in with me or marry. I hadn't even pushed the issue and had taken him at his word the whole time that he wasn't ready. 

Ever since I got the message, this has weighed a little heavy on my mind because it is fairly rare that something from the past comes back that makes you re-evaluate a time in your life and think about the path not taken. How different my life would have been had things gone differently. And I think about myself and the things that have changed in me. Some things, such as my appreciation for cats as pets (in spite of her currently licking herself and not appearing super attractive) has definitely been a plus in my life. There are other things that were different that I think I want to reach back for though. I have been thinking about putting New Year's resolutions on top of my 100 things list because I think of resolutions as a bit more character driven rather than completion driven. So here are a couple differences and the goals that may come out of them.

1) I had less stuff. 

I lived in an apartment with two roommates. One roommate had lived in that apartment for over 10 years and had it basically outfitted. I had a bed and a chair and desk. Now I fill my own apartment. I get into these moods where I feel I have too much and I am definitely feeling it now. I have two boxes in my closet that I haven't even looked in since I moved. That is too much. So, the first bigger goal is to have less things in my apartment at the end of the year than I have now.

2) I went to the gym.

I woke up early and went to the gym. It was supposedly the gym used by the Boston Bruins (I don't know if I believe that, but I didn't talk to any of the guys there), which meant it was a serious gym. I didn't get any lines about how being fat was unattractive (which a friend of mine heard and was annoyed by when she went to a Bally's nearby) and I wasn't given girl-oriented exercises. When I mentioned to my then boyfriend what exercises the trainer had given me, he was surprised, "Really? You're doing 21's?" So, I recently joined a new gym and it is time for me to get serious again now that my back issues are done.

3) I volunteered.

I was a Girl Scout Leader. I volunteered at the Aquarium. I looked for these opportunities regularly. I haven't been doing that much anymore. I fell into a monetary donation schedule instead of a time donation schedule. Every year for a while, I would make the resolution to be a better person than I was the year before. I thought that meant honesty, fairness, not hurting others and finding a way to participate and give back to the community. I think this is a resolution I have to bring back.

4) I went to the movies.

I had friends that were much more willing to do things last minute or try out different restaurants, see movies, go to museums or concerts. Those friends are now married and harder to see or moved away. I have some new friends that are more willing to do stuff in spite of being married, which is really nice. I even started playing Dungeons and Dragons (in spite of asking about it because of Tim's interest, he decided not to play) to give my inner geekiness time in the bright light of day. In short, I think the lesson I learn here is that once you are in a place for a while, you feel like it is familiar and that there isn't as much new going on. Add to that my own hermit tendencies which can be surprisingly strong and it means I don't go out as much. There was a point when I would take the subway for an hour just to get to a store I liked because I couldn't believe (after no car in Southern California) how great it was to have functional transportation again (please note: New York public transportation is still the king in my book). So, I think I need to revisit the museums and go see a movie. Basically, I need to get out more often and try new things. I also can't wait for others. When I lived in New York City, I would go out on my own when no one else was interested and I loved it. I need to recapture that spirit as well for when Tim or anyone else doesn't have the time or the inclination to go with me.

5) I spent money on clothes.

I didn't spend a lot of money, but I did buy myself a new piece of clothing with way more regularity than I do now. I also went to the hairdresser more often. I recently had two weddings to go to in one month. I took a friend with me to the family wedding and told her how I had to go out and buy some make up since I had thrown all I had away. She asked me why. I told her that every boyfriend I had (except one, who said nothing) had told me I didn't need to wear make up and asked me not to. She then went on to tell me how an older co-worker of hers had given her the advice that she should look a little better than her husband (in my case, boyfriend) wanted her to. The men are motivated to keep you a little less than you could be to avoid attracting other men. I don't know if I really believe this, but I do think the money I've invested in my appearance is lower than it should be and maybe it is time to do something about that. So, as a general resolution, begin to exert some more effort in how I look.

I think that is already way more than enough to add and I'll stop there. I am looking forward to a new year and the opportunity to continue to be productive and improve myself.